I can't wait until Tuesday. That's when all of the madness concerning the culture show will be over.
Sometimes when I try and sum up my entire life, I feel there one word that can describe my ongoing journey, my struggle at being atypical. It's a contradiction of course, I'm a Vietnamese American guy who's family owns a salon, and who goes to pharmacy school. Even my brother is a pharmacist. How much more can I fit into the general Vietnamese stereotype? Yet, deep within my soul, I know that I can't be another generic Toan who graduates to work for a greedy chain pharmacy, which has no other interest other than how many prescriptions I can churn out in one hour. So each day, I push myself to be different. Thank goodness that there are so many opportunities for me in this profession. With pharmacy, there are so many options, you can do hospital pharmacy, ambulatory care, industry, and retail. So while everything about me says that I'm following in the typical pathway of a young Vietnamese-American, the opportunities allow me to stray away. While I'll eventually be a pharmacist, I'll be more than your stereotype. Atleast I hope to be. I hope to work for a pharmaceutical company, working in regulatory affairs; I want to help make sure that these companies are complying with the regulations of organizations like the FDA.
While the opportunities in pharmacy school allow me to detract from the usual course, I think being gay has an important contribution as well. Being gay has allowed me to be open and take on a different mentality; I can never reject something unless I've atleast tried it or considered it once before. Being so open is why I've allowed and want myself to be different.
It's a constant struggle within me, as I try and fight the typical by being atypical. Then again, should I really care? Why do I really care if I fall into a stereotype? Society has judged us (gays) so much for being different, why should I care if I'm to be judged for being generic? I should be happy for once to be just the same as everyone else.
Is it better to have hope, to have something to grasp on than to have nothing at all? That's what I'm wondering these days, but I realize that even when there is little hope, as long as there is, you still have a chance. As we are all familiar with, when things are left to chance, it's hard to say what'll happen. You just really never know until everything unfolds.
I should find out in about one week regarding my interview for this industry job. I've interviewed more than 3 weeks ago. The last time I emailed my interviewer to find out about the results, she said that she was scheduling two more interviews soon and that the conclusions would be made known to us soon. It's hard for me to have hope, when I was interviewed more than 3 weeks ago. I can't help but think that maybe I wasn't the perfect candidate, which is why they are delaying their decision until they can find someone that is better. Then again, maybe they are just waiting for multiple candidates to be interviewed so that they can better compare and see who is best fit for the position. We'll see...
This also relates to other parts of my life right now too. All I can say is that we'll see what happens as well. That will be part of a personal entry that goes into my journal.
Yesterday I tried something new when I went out with Steven for dinner, English tea. Basically it was a mixture of coffee and tea. The combination, although quite tasty was an entire disaster for my body. My heart was beating so fast after having that drink. After dinner we watched my bloody Valentine, and I kept thinking that my heart was beating fast because of the movie, which wasn't even all that scary. I've seen a lot worse. Now I know it was because of what I had to drink prior to watching the movie.
I woke up really early this morning. I'm not sure if I slept at all. I didn't realize my body would be this sensitive to the combination drink :/ I hope I can survive work today and somehow make it to my Pharmacist's birthday party afterwards without having a body meltdown sometime in between.
I thought coming back to school would be a stress free month but with the culture show around the corner its hard to lounge around pretending like I have nothing to worry about. It was just 7:30 this morning when I woke up after going to bed at 2:20am. My heart beats extremely fast and I figured I'd roll out of bed instead of trying to avoid the cold and attempt to fall back to sleep. I'm up and about to go run some errands. We're making props today for the culture show, drawing the 12 animals of the zodiac.
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