Update

Been feeling a mix of emotions again lately.  I think I’m happy but I’m not so sure.  I was once told that loving someone is about learning to love a person’s imperfections in addition to everything else about them.  So my current bf is great in many ways, more so than any other of my exes that I’ve had.  However, I think there are certain small things that he says that can get on my nerves, small things that make me want to reconsider the entire relationship.  When I stand back and look at the entire picture, I notice that these are trivial, yet they still seem to upset me.  The big question is, do you learn to love an imperfect person as long as these imperfections are manageable or do you continue your search of that perfect mate regardless of the possibility that they may not even exist.  Ahhhh what a quandary.

I think I need to go back to basics.  If communication is the key to a health relationship, I need to start doing just that.  I need to tell him about these pet peaves and maybe things will get better. 

In addition to possible relationship problems, I’m feeling as if the rift in my life between my straight friends is getting larger and larger.  I’m continously living a two faced life, which estranges me from my classmates more and more everyday.  I’m a nomad, I drift, and I can’t seem to settle.  I don’t know where my place is, who my friends are.  Maybe it’s time for me to tell them, but then again I’m not ready.  My friend tells me the “cat’s out of the bag,” but I still can’t find that courage to do it all over again, to possibly face rejection and feel even more lonely than I already am.

I just hope tomorrow will be better.